Most crooks aren’t Rhode Scholars – or even all that street smart. However, some burglars really take the cake when it comes to trying to take everything else. At least they give something in return – great material for each edition of ‘Dumb Crook News.’ If you’re in the mood for a good laugh at someone else’s expense, take a look at these completely ridiculous burglaries. To make sure you don’t fall victim to these ridiculous burglaries, there are many security systems like www.securitychoice.com to keep these crooks at bay.
Get a Grip
Uncontrollable urges are, well, uncontrollable – especially for these criminals. In the end, that was their undoing. What did you expect? Self-discipline?
-If a burglar in Kansas City could have held his freak in until after the getaway, he might have been in the clear. When he tried to call his favorite phone-sex operator, the phone snapped a few pictures saving the police the trouble of taking the mug shots.
-When a burglar in Dusseldorf stashed his loot in the getaway car, he couldn’t resist toasting his success with a bottle of ‘hot’ bubbly. Instead of stopping after a sip or two, he drank until he passed out cold. The cops found him a few hours later still sleeping it off in the midst of his ill-gotten gains.
-In Delaware, an elderly woman woke up with an unwanted house guest. Just like a surreal version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, the front door was open, beer cans were strewn about and a strange man was passed out on her couch.
In bear-like fashion, the lady announced her intentions to call the police, and the man ran from the house – but not before grabbing another one for the road. He was nabbed a short while later quietly walking down the road savoring his last beer for a very long time.
Don’t you just love it when karma steps in and a crook gets just what they deserve? In these examples, we can only imagine what must have ran through their mind when they finally figured out what was going on. Whatever happened to casing the joint?
-In a hurry to get away, one unwitting thief was tackled by the entire defensive line as he made a mad dash across the field. If he had stopped to take a look at where he was going, he might have noticed Sacramento Sheriff’s Department on the jerseys. All those cop cars in the parking lot might have been another clue.
-A Colombian burglar’s greed was his undoing. After snagging a camera and a laptop, he started to search the rest of the house and found more than he ever bargained for – the private dojo of the local karate champion. Local that is if you consider the entire Pan-American continent a small neighborhood. The champ and several other black belts were in the middle of a practice. Needless to say, this guy didn’t have time to get an autograph.
-Imagine this guy’s surprise when he jumped a fence in Hungary to see what he could find – and boy, did he find something. On the other side was a fence of a different type; an Olympic-champion fencing master was practicing on the other side. Although our guy tried to get away, a sword-tip to his throat said ‘stay awhile’. This crook was pretty happy to go to jail after this experience.
Just Turn Yourself In and Save Everyone Else the Trouble
There’s no other explanation; some crooks have a secret desire to get caught. Why else would they announce the caper to the world complete with incriminating evidence?
-An Englishman was surprised during his break-in when the homeowners had the nerve to come home. He made a clean exit except for one thing: he left behind his man-purse complete with mug shot, prison ID card and his new address. You have to wonder if this guy was looking for a one-way ticket back to the big house.
-The first rule of home burglary should be to hide your loot from the original owner if you’re doing business close to home. No brainer – right? Wrong. An English crook stole his next-door neighbor’s window treatments and had the nerve to hang the curtains in the front windows for all to see.
-Meanwhile, in Mobile, Alabama, a man stole items from one neighbor to sell at yet a different neighbor’s yard sale. Why would anyone ever notice their stuff displayed within feet of where it was stolen?
-The second rule of home burglary should be to not post your escapades on Facebook. That’s right, the Facebook Burglar not only took pictures of the crime, but he couldn’t resist posting said images on the victim’s son’s Facebook profile. It’s amazing he didn’t Tweet about it while the crime was in progress.
Just Plain Stupid
There’s not much to say about these cases – these would-be burglars’ biggest crimes should have been their low IQs.
-OK genius – it’s an urn, not a stash. Five teenagers stole and snorted cremation ashes thinking the light-colored dust was cocaine or heroin. This misdeed was discovered when the group was arrested for another burglary.
-Two words – ski mask. Two young men in Iowa were caught after escaping from a botched (ya think?) burglary attempt. They were easy to identify because they had drawn on disguises with permanent markers. Guess they missed that week’s vocab quiz.
-One word – contacts. This guy was so nearsighted that he couldn’t even get away once he lost his glasses in the shuffle. When he went back to the house to ask for his glasses, the homeowners immediately called the cops.
Maybe Specializing Wasn’t a Good Idea?
These two criminals were caught because they had a special target in mind – although they reached their goal, they never could have imagined how it would actually turn out.
-In Western Michigan, a man had his eye on a treasure chest of knives at a local sporting goods store. While leaving, he tripped and fell on one of the knives earning him a long stay in the hospital and, finally, another notch on his criminal record.
-Who breaks into a funeral home anyway? When the Spanish cops investigated a burglary-in-progress at a funeral home, this thief decided to pretend he was supposed to be there by posing as a corpse in one of the empty coffins. The cops didn’t think his dirty clothes were appropriate funeral attire.
While these anecdotes are hilarious, home security is no joking matter and if you think you aren’t at risk, here are a few things to consider:
-A burglary is committed every 14.6 seconds in the US.
-The majority of break-ins happen during the day between 10 a.m. and 3 p.m.
-Most burglaries result in a loss of about $1,725.
-65.8% of all burglaries are residential.
-A home with no security system is 3X more likely to be burglarized that one with a system in place.
-34% of burglars come right through the front door.
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