Tools, and How To Not Be One

Ladies and gentleman, it is with mild vexation and great accountability that I present you with the bane of existence to every good woman’s humility—The Tool.

Or in the case of this Google searched random Jpeg, “The Tools.”

Many great years ago, in a time where women churned butter, horses lead carriages, and meals were not microwavable, men were, for arguments sake, a lot less dumb. To specify: financial secure men with good upbringings, solid educations, and hopeful futures were a lot less dumb and/or lazy. Keeping up appearance meant securing a fine career, courting a nice lady, and settling in a respectable home. However, as the years passed, Nintendo came to be, and way to much acknowledgement was given to reality stars and fake tans, men started to believe that loads of hair gel, a cool car, and Hot Pockets always on hand were away to not only build self confidence, but also to gain respect from others.


What we have here in this picture is a great example of The Tool because not only does it display his lack of virtue, inept fashion sense, and horrid hairstyle, but it also exhibits his conformity, crippled creativity, and, again, horrid hairstyle.

You see, while The Tool is harmless, vapid, and shallow, he is also useless, annoying, and irreverently cocky. Confidence is a beautiful thing, for sure; but fake tans, Muscle Milk, Bud Lights, Polo’s, living at home, and treating girls like a pizza delivery service because you believe you “got it like that,” is nothing short of repugnantly repelling.

If you want to date many a Snooki (minus her fame and fortune) then go ahead, dress, act, and be like these guys.

However, if you want to date an actual woman who will respect you and not make a shit-ton of fun of you behind your back, drop the act you think is so cool, develop a hobby that is not related to gym-tan-laundry, and possibly, read a book.

You are living in a privileged world.  Take advantage of it by exploring it, learning about it, and thriving in it. Not by sitting on your mom and dad’s couch while playing video games, eating frozen food, and disrespecting women.

Let 2013 be the year men redeem themselves, and I promise you, women will do what they can to make sure accidents like Lindsay Lohan and Heidi Montag will never happen again.

You can follow us on Twitter @funny_pics.

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At approximately 8:30pm on a Monday evening at the Barnes and Noble Café, Union Square, this exchange between two strangers took place:

Middle Age Man: (upon noticing the young lady seated next him chewing on a piece of gum) Excuse me, could I have a piece of gum?

Young Lady: (with a half perplexed half confused look on her face) I don’t even know you.

Middle Aged Man: Well no, but it’s just a piece of gum.

Young Lady: Right. And because I don’t know you, I’m going to have to go with “no” on this one because I think its weird you even asked. I mean, next time at least strike up small talk that leads up to the mooching.

Middle Aged Man: Are you serious? It’s just a piece of gum. Nobody has ever said no to me before for gum.

Young Lady: I’m embarrassed for you that this is something you do often.

Middle Aged Man: Wow. What is it, like 25 cents? You can’t spare a piece of gum? Really?

Young Lady: Yeah so buy your own.

Middle Age Man: (scoffing) That kind of attitude will get you far.

Young Lady: So will begging people for gum.

The End.

I love the new Corvette Stingray

You have to admit it – this new Corvette Stingray, the new C7 model, is just a badass car. GM has had its share of issues, but it really looks like they got this one right. You can check out this Corvette gallery for more photos and check out the video below, along with photos that show the evolution of the Corvette. Also, check out photos from the Detroit Auto show.

This seventh body type really looks like a winner.

Harry Reid keeps pushing gambling

Regardless of your politics, those of us who love poker and gambling have to be thankful that Harry Reid keeps pushing the interests of the gaming industry. His latest efforts are on behalf of Indian tribes in Texas, as they try to bring gaming to a state that only has one measly casino. He is getting some flack however as this is reminiscent of a project crazy Jack Abramoff tried to get through ten years ago.

Of course Reid’s more important initiatives involve trying to get federal regulations for online poker. The courts have hit the feds hard by acknowledging that poker is a game of skill as opposed to a game of chance, so now the feds need to move in if they want to get regulations in place before the states dive in.

At least we’re seeing a new appreciation for poker, after years of the feds trying to tie that with other forms of online gambling. Many of us love playing online, looking for suckers in online poker rooms and working with party poker bonus codes to get more credits.

But when you learn those killer skills online you want to bring them to a live poker room and try out your tactics face to face. There’s nothing like bluffing in person, and then pulling in real chips and stacking them up when you win. Hopefully, Reid’s efforts will pay for for Texan, and his Internet initiatives will pay off for the rest of us. After all, we do live in a free country. Right?

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