We can’t help it, this is scary as hell . . . watch the video!

Janet loves her some Bernie mittens

#FridayMood pic.twitter.com/dNL1Ns8xvs

— Janet Jackson (@JanetJackson) January 22, 2021

Weekend at Bernie’s lol . . .

pic.twitter.com/ZZv83rUENF

— Andrew McCarthy (@AndrewTMcCarthy) January 21, 2021

Good one for the history buffs . . .

Sneaking this into my lectures on WWII to see if anyone notices pic.twitter.com/KZVIhvi1SO

— Terrence Peterson (@dr_tgpeterson) January 21, 2021

North Korea hasn't been to war in 60 yrs, yet look at the generals with their medals. We can defeat them with a giant magnet. (Robert Kory) pic.twitter.com/3BdrG9GWBv

— Sarah Smith (@SarahLSmith677) July 16, 2017

Love this sign from ESPN's College GameDay! LOL pic.twitter.com/EhUe7bIufh

— The Buckeye Nut (@TheBuckeyeNut) September 24, 2016

Garry Trudeau's Doonesbury imagines a Trump candidacy back in 1999. And nails it.
You're sheep!” pic.twitter.com/XQUg9pvss8

— Open Culture (@openculture) September 10, 2016

This is new one: Man in Michael Myers mask holding "Serial Killers for Trump" sign outside his Kissimmee, FL rally: pic.twitter.com/BH68VK4oGd

— Frank Thorp V (@frankthorp) August 11, 2016

#IWasWinningUntil I realized that competing at the highest level required sacrifice and discipline pic.twitter.com/hFYB9cPCmr

— Donald J. Drumpf (@RealDonalDrumpf) August 10, 2016

Poor kid… pic.twitter.com/qGFiJ9YXhH

— theCHIVE (@theCHIVE) May 22, 2016

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I LOVE #Abba… but this may be the worst picture of any band in #pop history…. rt pic.twitter.com/r7ysogeR15

— Vicky Vette (@vickyvette) March 24, 2014

Ladies and gentleman, it is with mild vexation and great accountability that I present you with the bane of existence to every good woman’s humility—The Tool.

Or in the case of this Google searched random Jpeg, “The Tools.”

Many great years ago, in a time where women churned butter, horses lead carriages, and meals were not microwavable, men were, for arguments sake, a lot less dumb. To specify: financial secure men with good upbringings, solid educations, and hopeful futures were a lot less dumb and/or lazy. Keeping up appearance meant securing a fine career, courting a nice lady, and settling in a respectable home. However, as the years passed, Nintendo came to be, and way to much acknowledgement was given to reality stars and fake tans, men started to believe that loads of hair gel, a cool car, and Hot Pockets always on hand were away to not only build self confidence, but also to gain respect from others.

Gross.

What we have here in this picture is a great example of The Tool because not only does it display his lack of virtue, inept fashion sense, and horrid hairstyle, but it also exhibits his conformity, crippled creativity, and, again, horrid hairstyle.

You see, while The Tool is harmless, vapid, and shallow, he is also useless, annoying, and irreverently cocky. Confidence is a beautiful thing, for sure; but fake tans, Muscle Milk, Bud Lights, Polo’s, living at home, and treating girls like a pizza delivery service because you believe you “got it like that,” is nothing short of repugnantly repelling.

If you want to date many a Snooki (minus her fame and fortune) then go ahead, dress, act, and be like these guys.

However, if you want to date an actual woman who will respect you and not make a shit-ton of fun of you behind your back, drop the act you think is so cool, develop a hobby that is not related to gym-tan-laundry, and possibly, read a book.

You are living in a privileged world.  Take advantage of it by exploring it, learning about it, and thriving in it. Not by sitting on your mom and dad’s couch while playing video games, eating frozen food, and disrespecting women.

Let 2013 be the year men redeem themselves, and I promise you, women will do what they can to make sure accidents like Lindsay Lohan and Heidi Montag will never happen again.

Earlier this month, the term “zombie apocalypse” began flooding the digital space, prompted by a rash of bizarre national incidents involving gruesome cannibalism and flesh eating/throwing. The theme was so prevalent that the Center for Disease Control and Prevention felt compelled to ease people’s fears with an official statement.

So why then are sales of “zombie bullets” on the rise? Clever marketing. Even the CDC(Center for Disease Control & Prevention) is getting in on the act. Preparedness 101: Zombie Pandemic Buy your t-shirt here. Oh and, in case you are away from home, here is the android app.