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Hat tip – DailyKos

“Hillary Clinton is running for president. She set a fundraising record—she’s already raised 26 million dollars. That’s a lot of money. To put that in perspective, that is more money than President Bush lost in all the years he was a businessman.”
—Jimmy Kimmel

“Republican candidates are announcing their first quarter fundraising totals so far. Mitt Romney announced he’s raised $23 million, Rudy Giuliani said he’s raised $15 million, and Congressman Tom Tancredo announced he’s raised two children.”
—Conan O’Brien

“Bush visited Walter Reed today. When you’ve got a problem like Walter Reed that needs solving, what better sight than to see George Bush walk through the door? He’s created so many disasters, I’m not sure he knows which is which anymore. He walked into Walter Reed and he said he wanted to have it ready for next year’s Mardi Gras.”
—Bill Maher

“Actor and former U.S. Senator Fred Thompson—the guy from Law and Order—is thinking of running. He’s only been married twice. By Republican standards, that would make him the family values candidate.”
—Jay Leno